Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser

The question I asked myself to spark change.

I’m a recovering people pleaser. I used to say that I wanted to help so many people that it helped me. Someone who was once close to me questioned my logic. It took a while, but I finally realized two things. The first was that I often offered assistance with no regard to my own detriment. Secondly, it was because, more than anything, I hoped that the care and concern would come back to me.

It rarely did.

So, I started to ask myself: what would happen if you put your energy and effort into building a relationship with yourself rather than expending it on people who only receive and rarely give? The answer isn’t fully realized yet, but some things I have noticed. I fight feeling guilty for no longer going above and beyond. I've learned that my boundaries are not for others to honor but for me to enforce. Despite the guilty feelings, I feel less resentment about the imbalance of how I show up vs. others. I can better assess the quality of the relationship.

I would rather be alone than around those performing connection with me. Especially because I am learning to no longer perform with myself to avoid the truth of my experiences or relationships. Sometimes it's lonely. Sometimes I'm sad. It is also an enlightening and wonderful time of self-discovery. Learning to love and accept me for who and how I am at the current moment is the best task that I've ever assigned myself.

If you were to answer the question about where you put your effort and energy, what could change for the better in your life?

If you are ready to be a recovering people pleaser, let's talk.